apturethesoundsinmyhead,hatflowedfromdeepwithin,asifhalfofmehadbeenposing,aherhalfagasamanuensis.Ihadyettofullytranscribethemusicalshorthandandtoassignalloftheinstrumentation—tasksthatmighttakemonthsofrehearsaltoperfect—buttheinitialprocessofsettingdownthebohesymphonyhadmademegiddyandexhausted,asifinawakingdream.Itsrelentlesslogic,straheordinaryrulesoflanguage,seemedtomewhatIhadbeenhopingtowriteallalong.

    Atfiveoclockthatafternoon,hotandwrung-out,Iwenttothekitforabottleofbeer,anddrankitonthestairs.Myplanwasashower,anotherbeerwithdinner,andthenbacktowork.Inthebedroomcloset,theemptyspaceswhereherclotheshadbeenremindedmeofTess,andIwishedshehadbeeosharethesuddenburstofcreativityandaplishment.Momentsaftersteppingintothehotshower,Iheardaloudcrashdownstairs.Withoutturningoffthewater,Isteppedout,edatowelaroundmywaist,andhurriedtoiigate.Ohewindowsinthelivingroomhadbeenbroken,andglasslayallovertherug.Abreezeflappedthecurtains.Halfnakedanddrippi,Istoodtherepuzzled,untilasuddendiscordanthammeringofthepianokeysfrightenedme,asifacathadwalkedacrossit,butthestudiotyandsilent.Itookalonglookaround.

    ThescorewasgooablewhereIhadleftit,notfallentothefloor,notahewindoedopen,andIrantolookatthelawn.Asolitarypageflutteredacrossthegrass,pushedalongbyathinbreeze,buttherewasnothiosee.Howlingwithangerandpagtheroom,Istubbedmytoeonthepianolegandbeganhoppingupanddownacrosstherug,nearlyimpalingmyfootonapieceofglass,whenanothercrashsoundedupstairs.Footthrobbing,Iclimbedthestepstothelanding,afraido