nsteadofraisihescaleofsocialexistence.Iwasweaklydismayedattheignorahepoverty,thecoarsenessofallIheardandsawrouletmenothateanddespisemyselftoomuchforthesefeelings;Iknowthemt—thatisagreatstepgained;Ishallstrivetooverethem.To-morrow,Itrust,Ishallgetthebetterofthempartially;andinafewweeks,perhaps,theywillbequitesubdued.Inafewmonths,itispossible,thehappinessofseeingprogress,andageforthebetterinmyscholarsmaysubstitutegratificatiust.

    Meameaskmyselfoion—Whichisbetter?—Tohavesurreemptation;listeopassion;madenopainfuleffort—nle;—buttohavesunkdowninthesilkensnare;fallenasleepontheflowerscit;wakenedinasouthernclime,amongsttheluxuriesofapleasurevilla:tohavebeennowlivinginFrance,Mr.Rochester’smistress;deliriouswithhislovehalfmytime—forhewould—oh,yes,hewouldhavelovedmewellforawhile.Hedidloveme—noonewilleverlovemesoagain.Ishallnevermoreknowthesweethomagegivey,youth,andgrace—foroanyoneelseshallIseemtopossessthesecharms.Hewasfondandproudofme—itiswhatnomanbesideswilleverbe.—ButwhereamIwandering,andwhatamIsaying,andaboveall,feeling?Whetherisitbetter,Iask,tobeaslaveinafool’sparadiseatMarseilles—feveredwithdelusiveblissonehour—suffogwiththebitteresttearsofremorseandshamethe—ortobeavillage-sistress,freeandho,inabreezymountainnookinthehealthyheartofEngland?

    Yes;IfeelnowthatIwasrightwhenIadheredtoprincipleandlaw,andsedandcrushedtheinsanepromptingsofafrenziedmoment.Goddirectedmetoacorrectchoice:IthankHisprovideheguidance!

    Havingbroughtmyeventidemusingstothispoint,Irose,wenttomydoo