Maybeyou’veuoodbynowthatformenlikemyself,thatis,melanenforwhomlove,agony,happinessandmiseryarejustexcusesformaintaiernalloneliness,lifeoffershergreatjreatsadness.I’mnotsayingwe’trelatetoothersoulsoverwhelmedbythesefeelings,orary,wesympathizewiththem.Whatweotfathomistheodddisquietoursoulssinkintoatsuchtimes.Thissilentturmoildimsourintelleddampensourhearts,usurpingtheplacereservedforthetruejoyandsadnessweoughttoexperience.

    Ihadburiedherfather,thankGod,hurriedhomefromthefuneral,andiureofdolence,embracedmywife,Shekure;thensuddenly,inafitoftearsshecollapsedontecushionwithherchildren,whlaringatmewithspite,andIdidn’tknowwhattodo.Hermiserycidedwithmyvictory.Inonefellswoop,Ihadwedthedreamofmyyouth,freedmyselffromherfatherwhobelittledme,andbeasterofthehouse.Whowouldeverbelievethesiyofmytears?Butbelieveme,itwasn’tlikethat.Itrulywaogrieve,butcouldn’t:Enishtehadalwaysbeenmoreofafathertomethanmyrealfather.Butsihemeddlesomepreacherwho’dperformedEnishte’sfinal

    ablutiooppedbabbling,therumorthatmyEnishtediedundermysteriouscircumstancesspreadamongtheneighborsduringthefuneral—asIcouldseandinginthecourtyardofthemosque.Ididn’twantmyinabilitytocrytobeinterpretedively;Idon’thavetotellyouhowrealthefearofbeingbraoed”is.

    Youknowhowsomesympathetitwillalwaysattestthat“he’sgontheiopreventsomeonelikemefrombeingbanishedfromthegroup.Ididinfacttheiriedtohideinaerfromthebusybodyneighborsanddistaiveswiththeirastonishingabilitiestosummonadownpouroftears;IthoughtaboutbeierofthehouseaherIs